The Bitter Pill

I wanted to share something I heard in a podcast yesterday by the Ziglar Foundation. If you follow Zig Ziglar, you’re probably probably very familiar with the story as it’s probably one of his most famous examples of things that happened at his events. 

He talks about how he was at an event one day they had like a Q and A time after that people could come talk to him and ask him questions about the event. He said, one day he was standing there and this woman came barreling up the center aisle towards him. And he said, man, she had fire in her eyes. That woman was angry and she got over to him and, and said “Mr. Zigler, I got to talk to you”, and he’s like, “well, how can I help you ma’am.” She responds, “I got to tell you, you’re telling me how to make my life better. Well, you don’t understand” she said, “the job I work is awful. The people are awful. My boss is just miserable. The workload is horrible. Man if you worked where I worked, you would understand. There is no way what you taught me today can have any benefit. It doesn’t apply to my situation.” So they talked and he goes, “well, ma’am, I’m going to challenge you. I’m gonna challenge you for the next 40 days.

He goes on to say, “every day when you get home from work and your responsibilities for the day are done, taking care of the kids, making dinner, and before bedtime, I want you to find a quiet spot and I want you to go by yourself and write down a list of all the things that you love about where you work.” She scoffed at him. “Did you not hear me? I told you where I work is awful. It’s horrible. There was nothing good there.” Zig’s like, “well ma’am I want you to do this exercise before we talk about what your next move should be.” She replies, “Mr. Ziglar. You are not listening to me.” He goes, “give me one, give me one thing that you like, what’s one benefit of your job.” Well, she got all upset and replied, “well, you know, they do pay me all right.” “Open up your notebook” He said, “write that down“. And she just gave him a look like, are you kidding me? And he say’s, “ma’am I can’t help you.If you aren’t going to take the action. If you’re not going to do what I’m asking you to do today, he said, then we’re done.” 

And she just got all upset and they sat down and as they started, they paid her on time. She had a 401k and profit share options, full benefits and four week package of vacation. And by the time they had sat down and gone over some of the things she liked about her job, they had come up with over 40 things that were benefit to her position in her job. And she went home and did what Mr. Ziglar said and continued every day to write down the things that had happened that day, the thing she was grateful for for that job. When she came back to the next event, she was like, “Mr. Ziglar, you would not believe the changes.”

The people are just so much more pleasant. The workload is so much more easier, man. I enjoy going to work everyday. You would not believe how much has changed about where I work.” Do you really think what changed was where she worked or do you think what changed was her attitude about her circumstances? The way she viewed her every single day. See the reality of it is we all have things that we could be just so ungrateful for things that are unfair things that just aren’t right. And if we told some horror story, let me tell you, they would be like, I can’t believe it. You’re right. That is not right. That’s not fair. Just like that woman thought was going to happen. When she came up to Mr. Ziglar, she thought she was going to sit down and tell him, and he’d be like, Oh my goodness, How do you even tolerate those people? 

And instead she was given life changing advice about bitterness. See, we all struggle with bitterness. We all struggle with moments of things, just being unfair, but it’s how we decide to handle them that make a difference.

Now, I myself went through one of the most devastating things in my life a few years ago, I had to with almost no notice, shut down both of my businesses. 

That was my life’s work, 19 years of heart, soul, and sacrifice. And I literally had nothing to show for it. I have had moments where the anger and the bitterness towards the people who put me in that position, who lied to me, whose lack of integrity, put me in a situation that was just not fair has wanted to consume me.

There have been moments almost daily where I get bitter and angry, looking at people who get to go on and do what I love to do because of my work. And I instead now have to pick up the pieces of my life, but see, I have a choice every single time that those emotions come over me. I have a choice to let them consume me and let me keep them in this place of darkness or I have a choice to be grateful for what I do have because of those changes. And I have to remind myself daily that I have so much to still be grateful for. And that, yes, this is heartache. This is painful, but it’s also a season of life, a change. You know, I never pictured it in a million years that I’d be doing a writing about my company’s closing, but I am. Things just did.

And I could give you a compelling story about all the reasons it was unfair and not right, or I can say, okay, what’s next? And those are my choices. If I decide to live in that place of bitterness, if I decide to live in that place of anger and it’s not fair and, and focusing on other people, then I will never move forward in life. But if I make the choice to everyday be grateful for the things I do have. If I’d make a choice every day to redesign my own future, then I have a future to redesign. And we all have these opportunities in life. We all have the chance to not take the bitter pill to not live in a place of it’s not fair. 

Every day, we have an opportunity to think about all the things we have to be grateful for. And as challenging as that time of life had been for me, there is still so many amazing things that I had in my life every day. I have my sons. I have an amazing guy who has stood by my side during the worst days of my life. If I spend my time focusing on all the things I don’t have, then that I’m going to miss out on all the great things I do have, like even just a gorgeous morning, like this with a fantastic view, as I get ready to go and do some work for the day and plan what’s next. I have opportunities in front of me. 

So I challenge each of you, whatever your circumstances are right now, take out a pen and paper and forget the crap. Forget the stuff that weighs us down. Forget the drama, forget the phone call from someone saying, Oh my gosh, can you believe what just happened?

And write down all the things you have to be grateful for, and do it again tomorrow and the next day and the day after and keep doing it until you find yourself in a place where you spend more time being happy and grateful for the amazing things we have in life every single day, regardless of the crap and BS that’s going on around us. 

Cause you know what? We all have it. Everybody, everybody has unfair things going on in their life. Everybody has challenges. Everybody has things that five years from now you’ll look back at it and laugh and be like, I cannot believe I allowed that to consume so much of my energy. So stop letting it. Live in the awesome, that’s my challenge for you today. And you know what, if you can’t say “ouch” say “Amen”.

Let’s change our mindsets and stop living in a place of it’s not fair and why me. Instead, If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.

Hey, some diamonds go on rings and other diamonds dominate them. Let’s dominate the ring of life together.

I have a free Facebook group for women where I share motivational video’s, workouts, meal planning, Skin care and most importantly women’s personal protection. Follow this link to join.

Perspective on the Recession


I met a fellow martial arts school owner at a friends house the other night. The friend mentioned to me earlier in the evening that his guest owned 4 other schools on the south shore. I made introductions and we chatted a bit about his school. He was incredibly respectful, but he also had tunnel vision. I have met many school and business owners like that over the years. They just “know” what does and does not work.

We first started discussing the styles we taught, he told me about his school and how great his style was. He wasn’t arrogant about it, just confident and specific. He asked how my school was doing. I told him great.IMG_2966 The topic came up, kid students adults etc. He then told me “the economy sucks, so adults don’t want to take class now” When I shared we have over 250 adults training in Spencer, he explained his schools where in high end areas so the recession has caused more problems with wive’s having to get jobs now.

I mentioned how we also offer ilovekickboxing..started to ask if he had heard of it. He told me how he did kickboxing in the 90’s “When it was hot” but “NO ONE” does kickboxing anymore..nobody is going to join that program.

“If there is a recession, I refuse to participate.” Master Paul Garcia

We opened our school right as the recession started. I heard the news and media every day talking about how bad it was. I started feeling afraid, and doubting our decision to open a school. These where the worst conditions, in a small farming community. I heard the locals talking about getting laid off, I saw house foreclosures on every corner. My own home was behind now.  I had been running a school for the 8 years prior in the same community in a great economy, how on earth could we succeed in a failing economy.

Then one day I sat in Master Garcia’s training and he said the quote above, “If there is a recession, I refuse to participate”. I realized I had allowed the mindset of what was in the media etc. affect my own behaviors. I realized then I had a choice on how I was going to respond to the things happening in our community, I Could jump into the doom and gloom boat, or I could paddle against the stream.IMG_3105

We doubled the size of our school that year. We have continued to grow every year, in every program. We surrounded ourselves with like minded individuals and stopped spending time around those negative nellies. I have watched all of the America’s Best Defense Schools (even those in well to do communities grow like crazy year after year).

Please understand, I am in no way down playing or sweeping under the rug the fact that there have been some very had times in our country for families. I am rather encouraging to choose how you work with the cards you are dealt.

Did you know that the game Monopoly was born due to the Great Depression? Charles Darrow found himself out of work after the crash of ’29, he then spent years perfecting the game and became the first millionare by creating a board game.

Check out these 5 stories from the great depression,


Then of course, you can check out why so many adults choose our schools at or

I Fired My Doctor

donald trump fired

In Fitness for Life, I shared that people in my life’s attitude about aging and what you can and should do influenced how I thought my years would be. One of the major influencers during that negative time in my life was my Doctors and his team.

To give a little back story, I struggled with post par tum depression after the birth of my second son. I ended up needing a prescription to manage it. After a while my doctor successfully weaned me off of the prescription.perscription But, 6 months later I was again in a very bad place, and although I didn’t see it at the time, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Let me clarify, It wasn’t my husband. See my next blog, I was in an Abusive relationship. My doctor prescribed a new script for what we thought was depression(this was a new doctor due to an insurance change).

That medication caused me to gain 20pds in just 6 weeks. I was very frustrated, and made an appointment with my doctor right away. I sat down with the on call doctor who was a woman, and explained what was going on. I told her my activity level and diet had not changed. It was then she added to the mantra I had heard many times. “honey, woman our age” (mind you I was 25). bathroom scaleShe basically told me to be happy with what I had but try weight watchers if I was really worried, but in her opinion I was still in a “healthy” weight range (this still horrifies me)

My primary care doctor was constantly putting on weight. It was hard for me to trust my health to someone who clearly didn’t value his own.

I only saw him when I had no choice.

A couple year later a severely sprained my ankle and was on crutches for 3 months. When I shared my activities, which now included Krav Maga, grappling and running 5-6miles, and asked how soon I could get back to that.. my doctor said I shouldn’t plan on it.  Plus at “my age” I was at higher risk for injury. I got a second opinion and she gave me exercise to strengthen to prevent those injuries.

The final straw came 9 months later. I had totally changed my lifestyle. Eating healthier, working out more and my ankle was doing great. I had ended the destructive relationship a couple years prior and was emotionally healthy. I had gone 30 days with no caffeine or an processed food and I felt amazing. Then I started having these bizarre heart flutters. They lasted less then 20 seconds and happened every 1-2 hours.dont get sidetracked I continued with my normal activities including exercise as it did not seem to be affected either way. But after 3 days it was still happening. I called my doctor assuming, being heart related he would have me come in and get it checked. NOPE. First he told me stop consuming caffeine, when I explained it had been a month he said oh, good keep doing that. Then he said stop exercising. That I must just exercise to much.That there was no need for me to be exercising. Just like that, over the phone.

Your doctor is part of your support team to a healthy lifestyle. If your doctor is not living a healthy lifestyle, how can he direct you?  Zig Ziglar said “If you have a fat doctor fire him” ….the same apply’s to a poor accountant… My doctor did not have any interest in helping me be in the best shape of my life. He had no concerns at my sudden weight gain, because I was still under the national average.

I fired my doctor, and interviewed and found one that I knew would put my health and fitness as his priority. I got references from people who trained like I did. I want to know if I go to see my doctor for a concern, he will take me seriously, as an individual, not a statistic.IMG_3855

What about your doctor? Would you consider him part of your health and fitness “support team”, or just a necessary evil? Have you had an ailment or injury that hasn’t improved and your doctor hasn’t made it a priority? Your health is with you for life, just like in any professions, you will have doctors who are passionate about their career choice, health, and their patients. You will also have doctors who are just going through the motions, meeting their statistics and making the insurance companies happy. Don’t put your health and lifestyle in someone life thats hands. You deserve to live life to the fullest and have each day count, and be better then the day before. Don’t let anyone hold you back, especially the Doctor who should be moving you forward! If you don’t have a doctor that will put you first, find one who will!