So, I was just scrolling through my Facebook. I happened to see a post from someone I used to be incredibly close to. Then another from someone else who I had once considered a very close friend.
Right away the pain, the feeling of rejection, insecurity, like I must be broken or not good enough hit. Why don’t they like me – why don’t they want to be my friend?
I was once what I thought very close to both these woman. Then one day it just stopped. Communications ended, they were always “busy” or they “didn’t” get the text. They had moved on, had new friends, a new life.
I recall they pain. Crying, hurt, broken, confused. Wondering – was I to needy? Pushy? Overbearing? Maybe I just wasn’t cool.
Have you ever felt that way?
Those of you who know me would be shocked to hear I am incredibly insecure and awkward in social situations – well social situations that are not martial arts/business orientated or something I am personally hosting. I have a hard time connecting with new people, I fear opening up and yet again finding myself “rejected”.
But here’s the thing about other people’s rejection – it usually is more in my mind the in theirs. It is usually a fabrication of our own insecurities.
An example, I was bullied horribly all through my school years. I recall a girl in 5th grade I thought was super cool but I KNEW hated me. I remember her making fun of me after a science fair and being heart broken because of it. As an adult I reconnected with her and was joking about our school years and how she didn’t like me. She had NO IDEA what I was talking about. She recalled us being good friends and spending most of our time together.
See my insecurities created a false reality. My fears created a paradigm in which I assumed her reactions.
The woman who “rejected” me as an adult…Could it be that their lives have just taken a different direction? Their schedules be opposite of mine making it difficult to follow up? Maybe our interest are just not the same any more, maybe we just have changed and that’s ok.
How many times have I sat feeling left out? Wondering why I wasn’t “invited” or “thought of”. What about you? have you ever felt left out, unloved, forgotten? If someone didn’t acknowledge your birthday or special event have you felt betrayed?
It also makes me wonder if I have ever inadvertently made someone else feel that way? I have an incredibly busy schedule between my husband, children,business, schools, homeschooling, working out, training, etc. before I know it days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years. Maybe as my life has changed I have also lost contact?
Its important to realize…it’s not all about you. When you lose contact with someone or it seems like they never have time or always “already had plans”. It probably is just that, they are pursuing their goals, dreams, hobbies and families just like you pursue yours. Heck, even the popular show Friends had to end as they went different directions.
Don’t allow yourself to decide your worth, value and relationships based on a false paradigm. Live your life with focus and passion. Make new friends more friends with similar interest and goals.